This is a true story.
Once upon a time there was a pig. We will call him Monty.
Monty lived on a farm, and, although he was well cared for, he sometimes got lonely because his only companions were cows and turkeys. Sometimes Monty would go for a walk in the hope that he would find another pig to talk to, but the farmer always found him before he had time to get very far.
One sunny day Monty shook the pigsty door until it opened. Walking across the farmyard he pushed yet another hole through the hedge and began to walk along the lane. He was big and fat, so he walked slowly, sniffing the air for interesting smells, especially as his eyesight was poor. He could see a shadow ahead, and as he approached he could tell that it smelt interesting.
Parked at the side of the road was a car, with the back open, but Monty didn’t recognise it as such, to him it smelt like a food trough, for languishing in the boot was a large sack of horse feed. Monty didn’t know that the feed was only meant for horses, he thought it had been put there just for him, so with an enormous amount of effort he pulled himself into the boot and began to devour the feed, packaging and all. It was delicious, and he was really surprised when suddenly there was much commotion and the farmer arrived with a very irate man who demanded compensation! Without ceremony Monty was returned to the lonely pigsty.
Holes in the hedge were reinforced and an extra strong bolt was put on the pigsty door. Monty was fed more than usual, but that was no problem, he could always find space for another morsel. But one day he began to feel lonely again, and he knew what he had to do…. With enormous effort he pulled himself over the door of the pigsty. He fell with a bump, but although a little sore he walked towards the hedge. He felt a little like an Olympic pole vaulter, he felt that he had set a record for pigs, the hedge would be easy, in spite of reinforcements.
He began to walk along the lane. The sun was shining, and that shape was there again. Monty sniffed the air. Sure enough, it was waiting with food for him. However, when he got there he discovered that the food was covered up! (The back was closed). Now what to do? The more he sniffed the air the more he wanted the food. How could he get to it? Monty was a resourceful pig, he walked around the car sniffing as he went. As he got to the driver’s door the smell intensified. Hooray, someone had thoughtfully left the driver’s window open. Here was a way in.
Getting through the window was not easy, but having done so Monty was in heaven. On the back seat was a sack of horse feed, exactly the same as the one he had eaten before! Such delight! He chomped his way through it. It was delicious! (Isn’t forbidden food ALWAYS the sweetest?). When finished he sat for a moment to make sure that nothing was left, the smell of food was still strong, although nowhere in sight. Yes, he could still smell something, and then he realised that the smell was coming from behind the seat. Sure enough, there was another sack right there in the back, but how could he get to it?
The pig who had scaled the pigsty door, pushed through reinforced hedge AND climbed in through a car window knew no limitations. It wasn’t very tasty, but Monty now began to tug and tear at the back of the seat, and before long he had access to the rest of the food. Once he had his head far enough through to eat he stopped pushing and just ate. He thought he was in heaven before, but this must be it, because there were two sacks waiting for him. Delicious!
When he had finished, however, Monty began to panic. He was now firmly wedged with his head and shoulders stuck through the back seat and his rear end jammed up against the back of the front seats. He couldn’t move… How was he going to get out? He began to twist from side to side in the hope that he could free himself, but this only served to make the car rock, and this rocking drew the attention of a passing postman.
Car owner and farmer were duly summoned. More compensation was demanded, Monty heard the words, but didn’t know what they meant. What had he done wrong? The farmer bundled Monty into a trailer and off they went. Regrettably, though, not to the pigsty….. I leave the rest to your imagination.